Hidden Responsibility of Funerals in Child Welfare Work

By Erica Fischer-Kaslander 

When people think of child welfare work, they picture courtrooms, case plans, and long hours spent advocating for children. While these aren’t wrong, there is the less visible, and rarely talked about reality that sometimes this work takes us to funerals.

Over the years, I’ve had many unfortunate opportunities to attend funerals connected to my work as Executive Director of CASA, and now Child Focus. It’s a part of this job I never expected, and certainly one I don’t enjoy. Yet, it’s an unavoidable part of the story we walk through while supporting children, families and the communities around them. Sure, it’s not written into a job description or outlined in training, and it’s certainly not something that draws people into the field. Still, for those of us who work closely with children and families in crisis, it is an unspoken responsibility.

Unexpected Weight of Loss

Sometimes, the service is a celebration of a long, well-lived life: an elderly volunteer, donor, or grandparent whose passing was anticipated and they are lovingly honored. More often, however, the circumstances that stick with us are much different and much harder. Within child welfare, death comes too frequently and too soon. We’ve seen children die because of severe abuse or neglect, and parents or caregivers pass away from overdose, domestic violence, or health crises like cancer, diabetes, stroke, and heart attack. Sometimes, tragedies strike by chance — an innocent child caught in community violence or a parent killed in a devastating car accident. Each loss devastates families, but it also reverberates through the network of advocates, judges, caseworkers, and service providers who have become an intrinsic part of that child’s story.

Bearing Witness When Few Others Can

What makes these funerals unique is the role we play. Sometimes, we stand in when no one else is there, attending the funeral of a child without family. Other times, we find ourselves as anonymous attendees among hundreds, witnessing the deep support surrounding the deceased. In both instances, the service reflects a life lived, no matter how complicated or traumatic. Funerals become not just closure for loved ones but a way for professionals to honor the humanity of those whose lives intersected with our work.

Why It Matters

Attending funerals is not about formality; it’s about presence. It signals to the child, to their family, and to one another that the life in question mattered. It is an act of bearing witness to both the pain and the resilience of those we serve. In a field often dominated by paperwork, policies, and procedures, funerals remind us – in their own way – why we do this work: to fully see children and families, even in their most difficult moments. Perhaps, especially in their most difficult moments.

As leaders in child welfare, we must be honest about this hidden aspect of our work. Supporting staff and volunteers means acknowledging the emotional weight of attending funerals and ensuring there is space for grief and reflection. It also means recognizing our responsibility is neither incidental nor accidental — it is a reflection of the deep trust and proximity we hold in the lives of vulnerable children and families.

Funerals are never easy, but they often are the last chapter of a story that needs to be told. While never something I ever expected from this role, I’ve come to see these moments as part of a life’s epilogue, and they come with the sacred privilege of standing beside a vulnerable child.

Erica Fischer-Kaslander is Executive Director of Child Focus. Based in Wayne, Child Focus prioritizes the needs and well-being of infants, children, and teens impacted by or at risk of abuse and neglect by amplifying their voices and working toward lasting, permanent solutions that address their unique situations and provide the support needed to thrive. This critical work is accomplished through three distinct but complementary programs: CASA of Passaic and Union Counties, NJ Safe Babies Court Team, and the Open Door Store. For information, log on to www.childfocusnj.org.